Linguistic Gymnastics: Thoughts of an 8 Year Old

"Mom, can you lick your own tongue?"

Joanne asked me that as she rolled her tongue around in her mouth. I had to think about it. I don't know, can you lick your own tongue?

And is she really asking about the capacity of the human tongue or could she be probing the boundaries of the word "lick"? I don't know, but I'm completely fascinated that she could even conceive the thought.

After some consideration, I've decided, no, you can't lick your own tongue--like the mirrors in the celestial room where you can't see yourself in the repeating reflection, only the repeated reflection of the person standing next to you--only someone else can lick your tongue, linguistically or otherwise.

Ew. That was gross.

The Last Night of Summer

It's pitch black outside, and I can still hear my children squealing as they ride their bikes around the circle with the neighbor children. I should call them in and put them to bed, but tonight is the last night of Summer. (Sundays don't count.) Monday morning, Joanne, Lizzy, and Sarah head off to school; the rest of them start Wednesday. Play on, sweet peeps! Play as late as you want tonight. I hate to see Summer end, but I'm torn. The last two weeks, my little girls have lazed around complaining, "There's nothing to do," They avoid all forms of work and have tuned out the sound of my voice completely. Just last week I was complaining that I've had enough of summer. Now that it's really ending . . . I'm sad. I have loved the warm nights and hanging flower pots, hours and hours of play time, and the almost constant baking projects (the inescapable fate of a woman with 7 daughters). My kitchen never rests. Lately, we've had lemon bars and Margarita cupcakes,brownies, Texas sheet cakes (many), cookies of every variety (not always recognizable), and loaves and loaves bread (Sarah's newest venture). Somehow the cooking falls back to me when the sun sets earlier and everyone's in school. David just whistled out the window for everyone to come in. Lizzy yelled back, "But, Dad, we're playing Ghost in the Graveyard." "Okay," he said. I guess we're of one mind tonight.

Tooth Fairy Followup

Marguerite lost another tooth. Here's the note she left with her tooth:

Dear Tooth fery, You can giv my haw [You can give me how] much muny you wont.

She's a quick study!

Letter to the Tooth Fairy

My daughter, (please, let her marry a wealthy man), just lost her first tooth. She left this note, in grey crayon, for the Tooth Fairy:

Dear toth fery

Can yuo giv me 20 dolrs?

Unfortunately for her, the Draper Tooth Fairy is a little absent-minded (as all my children know) and forgot to retrieve the tooth that night. In the morning, I saw her thinking deeply about something. She said, "The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night. [Ouch.] I wonder if it's because I asked for 20 dollars."

She's a thinker!

Desert Poetry

We're in Arizona, visiting Emily. It's been a long time, maybe 5 years, since I've been here. Intellectually, I remember that the temperature exceeds 115 regularly; biologically, my body is incapable of adjusting to that reality.

I want to apologize to all you family and friends for dragging you to Arizona in June for our wedding. Yesterday, we took our kids to see the Mesa temple, thinking they might have some passing interest in THE place that facilitated their existence. We couldn't even get a good picture, everyone was moaning and complaining that their lives were in peril.

It made me think of this poem that was taped up on the wall in my dad's office. I was 11 or 12 when I read it for the first time, and I thought it was the most pithy, witty poem I had ever read. I'll put it in brown in honor of the landscape.

The devil wanted a place on earth

Sort of a summer home

A place to spend his vacation Whenever he wanted to roam.

So he picked out Arizona A place both wretched and rough Where the climate was to his liking And the cowboys hardened and tough.

He dried up the streams in the canyons And ordered no rain to fall He dried up the lakes in the valleys Then baked and scorched it all.

Then over his barren country He transplanted shrubs from hell.

. . .

Then he made scorpions and lizards And the ugly old horned toad. He placed spiders of every description Under rocks by the side of the road.

Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter, Hotter and hotter still. Until even the cactus wilted And the old horned lizard took ill.

. . .

'Twas summer now and Satan lay By a prickly pear to rest. The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow So he took off his coat and vest.

"By Golly, " he finally panted, "I did my job too well, I'm going back to where I came from, Arizona is hotter than Hell."

Next Up: Overdosing on Nostalgia . . . OR . . . "You Can't Go Home Again Angel"

Happy Anniversary, David, . . . [OR] "I cannot heave my heart into my mouth."

King Lear's daughter, Cordelia, speaks those words when her father tries to  cajole her into declaring her love for him. When I read that for the first time, it sunk deep into me with resonating familiarity.

That's me.

Add to that, I once had a religion teacher or bishop, or someone with some influence over me, give a lecture on testimony sharing:

"Your testimony should never be the cause of pain for someone listening, and if you do it right, it won't be. If you rave about how much you love your husband, how are those people supposed to feel who don't have a husband? Or children? Or what about people in a difficult marriage. A testimony should never do that. Share about things that are universal."

That also left an impression on me. So what's my point here?

Today is our 18th wedding anniversary. And, David has never heard me gush over him—publicly, that is, which personally I think is completely appropriate, but maybe not very fun when the rest of the world can at least count on an honorable mention once a year or so.

With that languishing introduction . . . Happy Anniversary, David.

When I married you, my orbit changed. You invited me into your gravity, and I'm still here. All of our experience together—the good and hard, bad and hard—it all adds to the mass, increasing the gravity. Will you forgive me if I fall back on a better wordsmith? (I'm feeling inadequate in this public setting.)

To whom I owe the leaping delight 

That quickens my senses in our wakingtime 

And the rhythm that governs the repose of our sleepingtime, 

The breathing in unison 

Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other 

Who think the same thoughts without the need of speech

And babble the same speech without need of meaning.

No peevish winter wind shall chill

No sullen tropic sun shall wither

The roses in the rose-garden which is ours and ours only

But this dedication is for others to read:

These are private words addressed to you in public.                 T.S. Eliot

How do I thank you for the late nights and early mornings, long discussions, listening. . . always listening, carefully listening? And, the fun—always, so much fun to be with you. Thank you.

I love you.

Sally

(How'd I do, Love?)

More Strange Conversations with Little Girls

We had violent thunderstorms this week--Arizona style, but with much more rainfall. Standing at the ironing board during one of these storms, I heard Marguerite muttering to herself:

"Tornados and stickers . . . swine flu."

(This is my girl who still won't sit through a fireworks show.)

"What are you talking about, Daisy?"

"I'm just sick of a world with tornados and thunder and thorns and stickers and swine flu. I want to live in a world without those."

Can you blame her?

Strange Conversations with Little Girls

Another conversation with Marguerite:

"Mom, I want to impress Lilly by being spoiled. . . .just for 1 day. Please, please, please. Spoil me for just one day?" What on earth is she talking about? Does she seriously understand the concept of 'spoiling' or 'impressing'? Who put these ideas into her head.

"Why will this impress Lilly?" I ask. "Cause it looks cute."

Cute to be spoiled??? I'm baffled. "What do you mean it looks cute?

"It's cool, it's fun, it's awesome." Hmm. This sounds like a script.

"What are you talking about?"

"I want to impress Lilly by getting a book that has a CD--a toy CD and CD player."

"Does Lilly have one of those?"

"No. Please . . . I'm serious. I want to impress Lilly. Say yes or no! Please.

Well, that's easy. "No."

"But you get what you want!"

"Actually, I only get what I want some of the time. Like right now, I'm tired, and I'd like to go to bed, but I can't really do that."

Eden walks in carrying my George Washington doll and hands it to me: "Mom, sleep with it. He can be your comfort doll."

Who are these people!

(NOTE TO SELF: next FHE discuss the futility of trying to impress.)

Jane Austen Night

My dearest family,

Most regrettably, our Draper parish neglected to make arrangements for the traditional Fathers & Sons encampment this year--an oversight most egregious and NOT to be borne. In consequence of which, the most excellent proceedings of our annual Jane Austen Night have been derailed, though, I hope, only temporarily.

Being the distinguished institution that it is and SO fondly anticipated by the Linford girls, I propose that we proceed with our own plans, without delay. I will offer several options for your consideration.

June 16th presents itself as the half-birthday of our beloved patron, Miss Austen herself. What do you say to celebrating on that day, or if you'd prefer we could delay festivities until the week end, which would be Friday the 19th or Saturday, the 20th.

Do reply without delay. I am so looking forward to being together again at last for J.A. Night.

Your most faithful and devoted sister,

Sally

8 Hours at a Salon, and I Only Look Slightly Worse . . . phew! . . . Disaster Averted.

I went to get my hair colored at 10:30 this morning with these instructions: "Cover the grey with my natural brown, and how about a few highlights on the top and around my face?" (Summer's coming, and I was in the mood.)

By about 20 mintues into the foils, I suspected something was going terribly wrong.  When she was still foiling after an hour, she got another girl to start on the other side. (This was for the "few around my face.") 

Somwhere in the back of my head, I heard a little voice say,  What happens when two artists share one canvas? 

Then I felt the new girl smashing the foils into my head, and I had a whisp of memory of my hair-dresser neighbor telling me, "You never want to push down on a foil--it will leave blobs of bleach. "

Again, that voice in my head, This can't end well. 

It took 4 hours. 

Even with it dripping wet, I could see the tiger stripes. In a very calm voice, I express my concern. She says, "If the highlights are too bright, we can put a little toner on it."

"Do that."

After the toner, I still have my doubts, but I'm late picking up Nancy from school. I decide to let it dry and be optimistic.

No amount of optimism can overcome the truth of the situation.

When Nancy sees me, she asks, "Isn't your book club tonight? . . .So, what are you going to do? . . ." Tactfully, she dodges the actual words.

I run Nancy to the DMV to get her driver's license (moment of silence, please!), then run back to pick up the little girls from school. 

Lizzy is more direct: "Oh my gosh! Mom, what happened to your hair? Did you WANT it black and orange?" Joanne adds to the shock. We ruminate for a moment on Halloween hair.

In the car, I look more closely and realize that in spite of the tiger stripes and white spots, I can still see grey. Incredible! I think and think and rack my brain for what on earth they could possibly have done to make it worse? 

I go back to get Nancy at the DMV, sign away my life and all future earnings so that she can drive.  (The nice lady informs me that at any time I may come in and "revoke that signature which will, in turn, revoke Nancy's license," thereby irrevocably terminating our relationship. But nice to know.  Thanks.) 

We head straight back to the high school for her lacrosse practice where I drop her off. I return (having been gone since 10:30 this morning) to the salon. My hair is completely dry at this point--no discussion required.  "How about an all-over dark brown?"

My hair is now a very standard, not to mention thrashed-to-high-heaven, dark brown. My scalp is tender and I smell like a chemical spill.

No, I did not take a picture. 

(If you think I've exaggerated any part of this, talk to Lizzy.)